I give up. this isn't cutting it anymore. I can't settle for bad anymore. I want change I want good. I'm tired of not being able to have friends over my house because i don't have any food, or i don't have heat. I don't even have cable anymore. All this progress just to regress again and i can't handle that rate now. We've come so far we were doing so good. But my life only seems to be able to get so far then fall far far far apart again. It never really gets better it just gets more easy.

Don't call me strong or say it'll get better because that's not what i want to here, everyone tells me oh how good things are, can be or get. But that's not what i want to hear. I'm not there yet i'm in this now and thats all i want to know. Life's raw life's real so just let me feel it.

Some where along the way i lost my warmth and i turned cold. I'm not loving or kind, i can't wait for any one, don't want to open up can't let myself open up for fear that if i do i'll lose what little part of me that i still have a hold on.

So sure if you need that ear, or help or whatever it is that all of you people always seem to need me fore yeah i'll be there, and of course i'll smile and laugh and ask about those little things everyone else seems to forget about you. When in reality you can't do the same for me or even remember the one little thing i asked everyone to not forget just one little thing. And sure i'll hold my head up and say how alright i am and show just what fine means. But i won't mean it.

So go on and pay no attiention to me it's okay because it has to be okay. IT's what everyone tells me things will be okay so lets make them okay and just move on you all keep going and i'll stay in the same cycle i've always been in.

*~*bee*~*